I've been thinking a lot about this. Not just recently but over the last several months. I think it started when I talked with a friend about how blogging has helped me be more aware of how I present myself to the world. While it is tempting to present a person that has an organized life, is always on top of things, and never has any human shortcomings, that's just not really me.
My life is occasionally a little crazy. I've become more aware than ever of my shortcomings, and at the same time, more determined than ever to overcome them. My life is definitely not organized, and if you could see the room I'm sitting in right now, I wouldn't even have to put that into words.
Along the way, I've found in myself a desire to be authentic. I'm flattered that I have friends who actually read this blog, and occasionally I get a comment from someone I didn't know was reading it. The sum total is a variety of people that I have known for between 1 and 30+ years (Hi Mom!) and all of them get the same "me" on the blog. So it's made me think a lot about who I am.
What I've figured out is that authenticity is important to me. I really try to make sure those words are an accurate reflection of what I'm feeling or thinking. That is not to say I might not change my mind. Or that upon further reflection I won't realize I was wrong. Just that it's important to be genuine and honest, and that it's OK to be honest about being confused or uncertain or doubtful... or any one of the things that could be considered the opposite of "having it all together."
In the last week, this is something that I've thought about even more because I realized that I need to be more authentic with people in the real world as well as in the virtual world. It's cathartic to write a blog post, publish it, then not think about it again. On the other hand, being honest with someone over a cup of coffee takes more guts than that. It means that the real me is vulnerable in that moment to what they might think or have to say about what I've shared. That... completely freaks me out.
It's a choice. I have often not taken that risk because the fear of having the "real me" rejected was greater than my ability to perceive potential reward in being truly known. I think it's time to start taking some risks.
Originally posted at: http://rebeccasmiscellanies.blogspot.com/